My summer job site

A pavilion above a pond in a traditional Chinese garden at the Former Furen University, Xicheng District, Beijing, China

questions

At various points in this game of Life, milestones were properly marked and significant events are rightfully recognized. An awkward junior high dance, a 16th birthday, a first drivers license, the immigration stamps in a passport, a cap and gown, and the first legal alcoholic drink are just the tip of the iceberg's plethora of important rites of passage.

As we maneuver through this board game, I wonder where we will all end up as our final placement. How many hundreds of miles will we travel? What mountains will we tackle and which ones will we be resigned to leave to the next generation to take on? Whose dreams will be turned into reality? And whose dreams and goals will fade into oblivion? Some big questions indeed.

Goodbye college. Gone are the days when picking a major was the biggest decision of the hour. So long, late nights and inconsequential late mornings. If you don't know how to eat right and do laundry by now, you're in trouble. Dormitories of friends, you'll be missed. Random adventures and rich tradition, I hope our paths will cross again someday.

I've spent 3 years in my major learning about various facets of human social organization and interaction. Interesting, interesting years. Poverty, class stratification, social capital, white privilege, power, gender norms, organizational behavior, tracking, deviance theories...yup, covered it at some point. Not only did sociology provide some answers to the questions I had asked prior, but it helped cultivate this way of seeing situations as being socially constructed- a disputed idea but interesting nonetheless.

This being said, I don't think my particular major was entirely useful for providing me solutions to how a person should live a life. Nor did all the preaching about fairness really induce fairness both in greater society I observed and my life personally. How should one find a balance between being selfish and selfless? Individual desire and family obligation? Settling and, well, not settling? Compromising and being unreasonable? Where should the balance be between idealistic to the point where nothing of substance can be accomplished, and being practical to the point where it's not backed with any passion?

The Great Wall of China

Suburban Insanity

Little patches of grass being trimmed weekly in front of all the perfectly color coordinated homes. Is this even natural? The perfect shrubs, the fresh paint, the re-tarred road, the lone community pool with the first Fall leaf floating serenely on its surface. A light breeze plays with the hanging wind chimes, sending melancholy notes into the quiet...quiet, because it can't be anything but that. The symmetrical living. The same furniture set, masqueraded as unique. Cereal sitting on top of the fridge, a sink and a dishwasher, 2.5 baths. It's all very nice. In the morning the old people come out to walk a path that while deceivingly new, is the same path walked for years and years. But you would never be able to tell, because in suburbia nothing ever gets old. Windows with a crack from a baseball get replaced, dirtied walls from history become repainted, and the sidewalks are cleared of any trace of tarnish by the sprinklers that water the Earth every morning at 5am. Slowly, slowly, the water spurts out in jet stream mode, and for a second in the darkness the leaves are wet and bent and perfection is ruined. Dear God perfection is ruined. But never to fear, by sunrise, Suburbia will have restored everything to back to it rightful dry place. But if you take a walk, which in Suburbia only happens with the very old and very young, you might smell the sweet smell of fresh 5am water.

Fall and opportunity costs

To say Fall season in southern California is my favorite time of year causes some to question my taste in season picking. It would be more appropriate to have, let's say, Summer or Spring as a favorite for obvious reasons as the blue sky, nice flowers, a good holiday like the 4th of July, what else, oh- the beaches. Fall in southern California? Compared to other parts of the United States, it can be bland, a lame change in weather or scenery, and besides, the one good holiday in Fall doesn't even give a day off.

For me, however, Fall season possesses certain qualities that no other time of year can come close to attaining. Fall, for me, is a new chunky knit sweater and a cup of hot chocolate with cinnamon powder. The air smells and feels of new beginnings, but also reunification with old tradition. Fall is a sole ray of light shining through French windows while acoustic guitar is playing in the background. Red, brown, orange, mixed with smooth black, gray, and even some touches of navy blue are my color picks for a southern California Fall. The wind starts to become chilly, and for the first time goosebumps surface on skin without the aid of air conditioning. The mood is happy, but can quickly turn melancholy or even solemn.

And this Fall in southern California is particularly special because not only will it be the first one for me in four years. I expect it to be good, because history suggests that it usually is pretty good.

One thing that has been on my mind lately is the idea of opportunity costs. There was always an opportunity cost in decision making, regarding the loss of benefits from not choosing the next best possible option. It seems like the "older" we get, the higher the stakes become in this game of life we engage in to play. I remember there was a time not long ago when choosing which math class to take was considered a tough decision (i.e Advanced Placement Calculus= better shot at college admittance, Statistics = a cop out move but a happier senior year). I ultimately chose Statistics, don't judge.

That was five years ago. Now, like switching regular restaurants, a whole new array of dining options are being presented. The waiter comes and presents to menu, and it all looks great because I am starving. Which one to choose? Which one to choose? Go with the steak- a tasty and filling option- but have no room for ice cream later? Or go with the salad- light and refreshing- but be hungry again two hours later? Maybe the best option is the pasta- it's somewhere in the middle in both satisfaction and pricing- yeah, that one looks alright. But it's only...alright.


Now, take away the restaurant and replace it with words like "responsible adult, building equity, starting a career, professional school, traveling abroad, job satisfaction, stability, success, failure, happiness, networking, finding yourself, financial security, work/life balance, money, fun, youth, savings, loans, familial piety, and college nostalgia." You get the menu options for a typical new grad. And nothing I have chosen on that menu so far has came without an opportunity cost.

By choosing to go work in China for the summer, I was choosing to celebrate youth. Freedom to be young and happy, to see the world in a way that anyone older probably couldn't. It was a great feeling to decide to go to China and then make it happen. I had intense job satisfaction because it was fun, there was definitely a work life balance in order, I did a fair amount of soul searching, and afterward I was able to travel abroad, go to the Olympics, see new places and revisit old ones. It felt damn good to wake up and remember that I was in a place I wanted to be at.

But also by choosing to go to China and travel, I had also given up the ability to achieve a multitude of things such as stability, money, savings, familiar community, familial piety. And then somewhere along the line, I think this was in Singapore, the marginal benefit of traveling, youth, and being carefree wasn't enough to make up for the losses incurred from the aforementioned things I had not been attaining while in Asia.

So then came the flight back home, the enrolling in an lsat prep course, and the eventual submitting of the resumes for jobs. You gain some, you lose some. Gain security and responsible adult reasoning, lose (what I feel is) spontaneity and memorable adventures. Gain: knowing what your doing with viable goals and plans, Lose: the possibility of really knowing what you're meant to do? Questionable. Gain: a life? Lose: living it?