Last week, I swiped my MasterCard to buy some spandex with a huge pad sewn onto the crotch.
I have also been scouring the internet for deals on various creams to rub on my ass.
These are just two purchases I have had to make recently as a result of a decision to do a cross country cycling trip.
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Recently, preparing for this trip reminded me of concept coveted by my sociology professors at Berkeley. There was a phrase that ruled my college academic life; a phrase that, when used, would ensure that my sociology exams be a whole letter grade higher. This phrase is social construction.
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Biking doesn't seem to be entirely synonymous with cycling.
Biking is an effective mode of transportation. I learned that last year when hitchhiking became overrated and walking was so last season. I biked in dresses, and held the down the dress in the middle of the seat to avoid giving the world an eco-friendly peep show. I carried a long stick, and occasionally wacked dogs that yipped at my feet.
I realize now that while I have biked, I have never cycled.
If biking is a transport activity that a billion people in China have to do because they can't afford cars, the world of cycling seems to be set up different, with social markers that mark clear distinction from its primitive counterpart.
If the world of cycling is socially constructed, here are some markers thus far. Sexy, sexy markers for that matter:
1. Spandex with bulge.
When I was in high school, boys would come cheer on our volleyball games because, let's face it, all the squatting from the sport ultimately led to killer thighs and toned butts. And of course, the standard southern California outfit for a volleyball girl was ridiculously short spandex (who would have expected otherwise?).
Now take that image of spandex, and stick in two Overnight Maxi-pads. You have my most recent purchase at Sports Authority.
Certainly the anatomically shaped pad at the crotch must serve a purpose for long distances on bikes that I will probably attest to at a later point. But for now, they just feel (and look) supremely awkward. A bulge exists at all angles.
This recent awkwardness is only superseded by the next social marker of cycling.
2. Application of ass creams.
Rightfully named "Assos" and "Butt'r", these are products that are next to show up on my visa.
I just can't wrap my mind around the idea yet that in a couple weeks, I will be applying gunky gunk on my otherwise clean butt. I know they serve an important purpose of preventing saddle sores, and after Googling "saddle sores" I know that is something I definitely do not want. I guess it's one of those things I will understand in a few weeks. But now...gunk all day on my ass. Fancy that.
That, and the idea that the bulging spandex are intended to be worn commando.
Those are just two. But really there has been (and will be) so much to learn!
