I'm going to Micronesia!

It hasn't entirely hit me yet that I will be spending the next year (July 2009- May 2010), on an island that is over 5,000 miles away from home. This island is less than 50 square miles, has a declining population of 7,000, and is connected to the outside world by only 3 flights per week. In other words, it is like no place I have ever been to before.

Kosrae island is part of the Federated States of Micronesia (FSM). It's right in between Hawaii and New Zealand. The FSM is a collection of islands divided into four regions: Yap, Chuuk, Pohnpei, and Kosrae. It's fairly close to the equator, and the island does radiate many qualities that are typical snapshots of tropical island life. It's beautiful, "ringed by sandy beaches and pristine coral reefs," maintains a slow pace of life, and breadfruit, coconuts, and yams abound. However, that idyllic image is quickly altered by this place having one of the highest suicide rates in the world, and on the rise are other social problems like depression, alcoholism, and joblessness. There are issues like changing family structures, a dwindling population, and excessive foreign dependency that their leaders are currently tackling. While these islands are in a state of limbo about their future, one thing is clear: this place is on the brink of change.

Although during college I did develop an affinity for warm weather and attractive places while studying abroad in Southeast Asia, those factors cannot be further from why I chose to return, again, to the tropics. And on that note, I'm not as many may suspect and some mentioned, "taking a year off to mess around before getting serious." I find those comments rather insulting and a little ridiculous, considering the support I've always lent to their particular endeavors. While Southeast Asia WAS fun, a sizable amount of it was the polar opposite. Some images have a difficult time leaving my thoughts, like the legless boy begging in a street gutter, girls half my age pole-dancing in seedy bars, unwashed physician instruments strewn about on a decaying wooden table, children using a polluted street flood as a swimming pool, and an entire tribal community transformed into a human zoo for tourist dollars. Exotic cuisines may start to pale and stunning landscapes may eventually blur, but heartbreaking memories like the aforementioned remain vivid for a long time after. And for some, myself included, are forever changed.

I've long been fixated on the idea of deceiving perfection. Perhaps that is why several of my favorite books, movies, and television shows (Great Gatsby, American Beauty, Better Luck Tomorrow, Desperate Housewives [I know you're judging]) all contain themes of perceived success and perfection, with reality being otherwise. And perhaps, unfortunately, this theme has begun to ring true with some aspects of my own life as well. What is the point of things looking good, if an empty abyss lies behind it? Does inspiration come solely from pretty surfaces and gleaming facades? I choose not to think so, and ultimately not to act accordingly. Specifically, how can we move forward in humanity if we do not take the time to see, hear, feel, and taste what is really underneath the surface?

Undoubtedly, real beauty and the answers we seek can be found all around us, but I'm ready to venture out. I expect that life on a developing island will be pretty much the opposite of the Target-going, Starbucks addicted, suburban jungle I currently call home and like quite a bit. Kosrae is, in my humble opinion, an incredible opportunity to live, breath, and see what my college roommate so beautifully wrote, "faith, hope, and love." Especially in a region like Micronesia; so forgotten, but so critical. Really, what is not to gain but the world?

The Kitchen God's Wife

Finished 1/21/09.

I don't know if this book would make it in my top 5, but it was a great insight into the life and times of pre-communist China. It makes me think about the decisions of my ancestors. What if they did not have the foresight to go flee to HK/Macau before the communists took over? Or what if they lacked the courage to abandon their assets and leave their home. Even desert a town library they built for the community? How different would my life had been, if I were to even be born.

Why, hello 2009.

In my last New Year post, I had predicted that 2008 was going to be a difficult year. Correcto.

In 2008, I started off the year feeling awful for walking away from a lucrative job I absolutely could not envision doing at the time, then proceeded to be turned down by one I really wanted. Then, I ended up graduating with no set plans after summer. I did make it back to Asia, but only to find out it wasn't what I had envisioned it to be. Then, I moved back home. Then, by chance I found work at my school district. This is the same district I had elected to transfer OUT of 7 years ago. Not to mention my net income some months doesn't even make it past 3 digits.

You're thinking, "and you graduated from where?"

Not going to lie, it's a hard place to be in when most of my friends have elected to choose paths that can actually pay back some loans (plus more), and they can afford to not eat government funded snacks intended for elementary school students.

In 2008, I tried so hard to do the right thing. Mainly, I tried to find a way to work with my own wants and practical obligations. Work around the world for travel and see other communities, or live an Office Space life but at least be able to be around to help my mother? What ended up happening could be named a hybrid. I am Starbuck-ed out in La Mirada while living at home, and I travel (for an entire 30 minutes) to work in a (somewhat) different community.

In a few months, I'm going to Micronesia; which could potentially be an amazing experience, or a disaster. But either way, I'm very interested in seeing where this would lead.

Franny and Zooey

The Secret Life of Bees - Sue Monk Kidd

The narrator of this story, Lily Owens, shares a variety of issues that I can't really relate to. Being the only white girl in a black household. Having an abusive and distant father. Helping someone break out of jail. Beekeeping. It's all interesting stuff, but I can't say that I have experienced it or am part of a world that has this stuff happen. What I did relate to however was the guilt Lily carried around, mostly subconsciously that was seen through her thought processes when she discussed her mother. The guilt of being the one to ruin someone else's life, to have your existence be the very reason why someone else's life is changed. Whether or not it was a warranted way of thinking, I liked how the author realized that at age 14, that's probably how a young girl is going to think given the facts Lily had from her family's past. Thinking that she did it. It's all her fault. That she ruined it. I remember being that age and feeling like it was my fault that my mother wasn't happy, that it was because of me that we were poor, that we couldn't live a normal life, all because she had to ensure my existence in the world. It felt like a heavy weight being carried around all the time. How hard was it to be happy and carefree while knowing that I was the cause for someone's unhappiness and struggle? The simplicity of childhood is sometimes so deceiving.