The print out by the air con

Posted in the classroom next to the aircon where I teach my afternoon class is a print out "Today is the first day of the rest of my life." And everyday when the kids shout "Ms. Teresa!! It's so hot in here!!" and when I go to turn on the air con, I pass by that print out. It's actually a very long paragraph about how people should spend their time wisely, that they should use the day they were given to the fullest, and how when it's over, its really over, or something along the lines of that. It's good it had a decent opener.

Every day when I pass by that print out and read those words, I can't help but wonder. Although it's been mentioned by many that they see me here, I still have a hard time coming completely to terms with really being, here. Here as in moved back home, spending afternoons in a classroom full of rambunctious 4th graders, being engulfed by the smell of crayons, and happy children books, with my mind occupied with the next days lesson plan. Sometimes, I wonder if the government budget cuts will eventually trickle down to cutting me, and then if not, I wonder if they will get around to paying its employees the fair amount. Mostly however, I wonder if this life is for me, right now.

So much has changed. I feel like I reached the point where idealism failed to stop the fall and instead I was caught by Starbucks, multiple meetings, time sheets, and parent conferences. Being bi-lingual is useless when neither of the two languages are Spanish, lesson plans on paraphrasing are put to waste if kids can't even read, and creative writing is shot when they write about wanting to "join a gagn, do badthgis, and drank."

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. The question now is what happens now. And never mind me, what is going to happen to the kids? In 10 years, they will be 20. 10 short years. There is so much I want to tell them. Transfer schools. Make better friends. Stop putting crap in your stomachs. Try to learn something. Don't think your life sucks. Today is the first day for the rest of their lives too.