I don't know how to open this or end this long winded dense mess. All I know is that I have to forgive my boss, K.
Part 1: The backdrop
K and I have a fairly strained relationship. Funny thing is, in actuality, there isn't even that much time to strain the relationship. But in the little time we have together, it's evident. It's in how K never looks me in the eye, or really at all, when we have meetings. It's in how K never says hello or goodbye (unless I initiate it) when we arrive and depart from work, or asks how I'm doing or how the weekend was. It's in how we can walk down an entire school corridor together without exchanging a word. It's in how we can be the only two people representing our program at a conference, and not even sit together during lunch. It's in how K insinuates that every minor glitch (ie a paper missing) is due to me losing it without questioning if she was actually the one who misplaced it. Likewise, the strained relationship is in in how I try to stay in my classroom as long as I can before having to go to the office (where she is). It's in how I don't contribute in her meetings anymore. It's in how I show apathy to her new ideas.
It's no secret that a lot of things about K bother me. It REALLY bothers me that someone (who is more than twice my age and senior in position) cannot muster the decency to say hello first at least half the time. It bothers me that I know a lot of basic facts about her as a product of polite conversation questioning, and she does not know a single fact about me beyond my name and that I went to school somewhere in northern CA. It bothers me that she speaks in a demeaning tone to parents ("You ARE aware that the pickup time is at 5:30, right?"), and talks down about the custodian ("He's not used to people speaking in a soft, professional tone to him. That's why he yells."). It bothers me that her idea of leadership is referring back to scribbled notes from months past and saying "I've written down here that we discussed this matter, therefore I don't understand why you guys aren't acting accordingly."
For K, who is a champion advocate of "respecting our professionalism," I have never felt this disrespected in any work situation, ever.
But it wasn't always like this. Earlier, there was a time when I willingly worked extra at home, created and bought extra teaching materials, donated books and other supplies. Likewise, there was a time when K would (*gasp*) call me in the evening and ask if I was okay, if it seemed like I was having an off day. All of us worked together and turned the dysfunctional program into one that set the standard for the other 11 schools to follow.
What happened?
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Career lecture #38370
So I was able to see your 50 missed calls, Tammy, after having yet another heated night long discussion with my mother on the subject of career commitment.
While our champion Pentathler Danielle Lee didn't know much about Young Fu's plight in precommunist China, she certainly knew how to ask a relevant question that plagues many young Asians living in America today: "will it ever end?"
"Will it ever end?" Will the relentless pursuit to be on the competitive edge ever be over? Will the illogical pursuit of superficial success be put to a stop? Will the individual ever be given the time and space he/she deserves to fully actualize his/her being?
I don't doubt that my mother, as with any well intentioned mother, means well and places some excellent points on the table. But somehow, the meaning gets lost in the message. Time and time again.
Let's recap. M(other) feels like D(aughter) has 1. wasted a year by not engaging in any of the following: (a.) applying back to school (b.) taken vocational classes to neutralize her unemployable humanities degree (c.) worked full time (d.) taken initiative in learning the language of her homeland (e.) figured out her short term career/life plans in general.
D retorts points A, B, C, D, and E, respectively, by saying that she (a.) is not academically and financially ready to go back to school (b.) does not function like a machine where routine upgrades are conducted to maintain itself as a market commodity (c.) did try for over a year but we all know the story there (d.) will in the future but current preparations to leave for a Kosrean speaking nation may indicate now is not the most optimal time to being learning an Asian language (e.) does spend a significant amount of time thinking about careers, but it's a process in the making and cannot be done overnight if one is to do it thoroughly.
I give my mother fair representation on this, and I realize that her points are ultimately stronger in this drawn out argument that has come full circle in many multiple not-so-merry-go-round times. Yeah, I should have thought this out a little bit more. Yeah, I am in the wrong for not doing more. At best, my rebuttals have been a borderline excuse for inaction and a roadblock to progress.
The issue I have with my mother is not what she puts on the table, but the manner she lays it out and the way I am expected to react to it. This may be career lecture #38370, but it's really just an addendum to the J.D.I.O.B.A.F.I.L lecture series: Just Do It Or Be A Failure In Life.
The JDIOBAFIL lectures commence when the free spirited child/insolent teenager/embarrassed adult refuses to participate in enriching activities for whatever reason: she doesn't like it, she finds it disengaging, her interests lie elsewhere, time is of the essence. It's a shame that perfectly logical parents can fall so easily to the rat race of success and attempt to impose a top-down approach to upgrade their child. While the subject nature of the lectures change, they will always include clutch phrases and terms such as "falling behind", "waste of an education", "disappointing behavior", and of course, in true Asian fashion, multiple comparisons to other parent's (seemingly unnaturally successful) children.
When all is said and done, I believe we all want the same things: happiness, love, a peaceful society, a fruitful life in serving others. But the battle in getting there is like the Republicans vs. Democrats: two very different approaches in solving the same old problems.
My platform:
1. Promote understanding and not fear. Instead of employing scare tactics, parents should at least try understand the issues that could inhibit the individual from doing what they suggest.
2. Misery does not breed love/fulfillment in life. Misery breeds misery. Hard work does not have to be a miserable process. If it is backed with an passion or strong interest, it could be satisfying, gratifying, and worthwhile. Does passion, or did passion ever in the history of mankind, derive itself from feelings of inadequacy and threat? No. Therefore, like an LSAT analytical reasoning question, the premises support the conclusion that the promotion of threat and insinuations of inadequate behavior will not lead to hard work that is satisfying.
3. Recognize the difference between being stern and being damaging. Parents do have a responsibility to parent (I would be worried otherwise), but going overboard is just as bad as missing the ship. To be fair, kids need to meet them halfway and not be lazy bums. But at a certain point, you just have to let it go and let kids come into their own. Allow room for exploration, for success, for failure, for growth.
While our champion Pentathler Danielle Lee didn't know much about Young Fu's plight in precommunist China, she certainly knew how to ask a relevant question that plagues many young Asians living in America today: "will it ever end?"
"Will it ever end?" Will the relentless pursuit to be on the competitive edge ever be over? Will the illogical pursuit of superficial success be put to a stop? Will the individual ever be given the time and space he/she deserves to fully actualize his/her being?
I don't doubt that my mother, as with any well intentioned mother, means well and places some excellent points on the table. But somehow, the meaning gets lost in the message. Time and time again.
Let's recap. M(other) feels like D(aughter) has 1. wasted a year by not engaging in any of the following: (a.) applying back to school (b.) taken vocational classes to neutralize her unemployable humanities degree (c.) worked full time (d.) taken initiative in learning the language of her homeland (e.) figured out her short term career/life plans in general.
D retorts points A, B, C, D, and E, respectively, by saying that she (a.) is not academically and financially ready to go back to school (b.) does not function like a machine where routine upgrades are conducted to maintain itself as a market commodity (c.) did try for over a year but we all know the story there (d.) will in the future but current preparations to leave for a Kosrean speaking nation may indicate now is not the most optimal time to being learning an Asian language (e.) does spend a significant amount of time thinking about careers, but it's a process in the making and cannot be done overnight if one is to do it thoroughly.
I give my mother fair representation on this, and I realize that her points are ultimately stronger in this drawn out argument that has come full circle in many multiple not-so-merry-go-round times. Yeah, I should have thought this out a little bit more. Yeah, I am in the wrong for not doing more. At best, my rebuttals have been a borderline excuse for inaction and a roadblock to progress.
The issue I have with my mother is not what she puts on the table, but the manner she lays it out and the way I am expected to react to it. This may be career lecture #38370, but it's really just an addendum to the J.D.I.O.B.A.F.I.L lecture series: Just Do It Or Be A Failure In Life.
The JDIOBAFIL lectures commence when the free spirited child/insolent teenager/embarrassed adult refuses to participate in enriching activities for whatever reason: she doesn't like it, she finds it disengaging, her interests lie elsewhere, time is of the essence. It's a shame that perfectly logical parents can fall so easily to the rat race of success and attempt to impose a top-down approach to upgrade their child. While the subject nature of the lectures change, they will always include clutch phrases and terms such as "falling behind", "waste of an education", "disappointing behavior", and of course, in true Asian fashion, multiple comparisons to other parent's (seemingly unnaturally successful) children.
When all is said and done, I believe we all want the same things: happiness, love, a peaceful society, a fruitful life in serving others. But the battle in getting there is like the Republicans vs. Democrats: two very different approaches in solving the same old problems.
My platform:
1. Promote understanding and not fear. Instead of employing scare tactics, parents should at least try understand the issues that could inhibit the individual from doing what they suggest.
2. Misery does not breed love/fulfillment in life. Misery breeds misery. Hard work does not have to be a miserable process. If it is backed with an passion or strong interest, it could be satisfying, gratifying, and worthwhile. Does passion, or did passion ever in the history of mankind, derive itself from feelings of inadequacy and threat? No. Therefore, like an LSAT analytical reasoning question, the premises support the conclusion that the promotion of threat and insinuations of inadequate behavior will not lead to hard work that is satisfying.
3. Recognize the difference between being stern and being damaging. Parents do have a responsibility to parent (I would be worried otherwise), but going overboard is just as bad as missing the ship. To be fair, kids need to meet them halfway and not be lazy bums. But at a certain point, you just have to let it go and let kids come into their own. Allow room for exploration, for success, for failure, for growth.
Monday, June 01, 2009
June 1st
Today is June 1st.
June 17th will be a day of fireworks in the sky and champagne corks flying over the bridge. As bad as it is to say this (especially during this economy), June 17th will be the day I leave my job and dance off into eternal happiness (that is figuratively speaking; realistically, probably celebrate and be in joyful state of mind for a very, very long time).
Truth be told, I have never been this happy to quit a job. Even the end of summer '04, after donning a hideous neon green vest and wide leg pants at Knotts, wrapping Christmas ornaments, organizing stuffed animals, and retrieving over priced cowboy boots for people who are crazy enough to wear that stuff will not have produced the same amount of good riddance endorphins as this upcoming June 17th will. I know it.
As much as I am a chief complainer about the train wreck that I deal with everyday that are "push" factors pushing me away from ever wanting to get within a 5 mile radius of that elementary school, I would actually say that a good 65% of my expected happiness are the pull factors: primarily what the future- both far and immediate- beholds.
I haven't figured out how to write it, what to include, or how to organize it (thematically? chronologically?), but the next few blogs will be reflections of this past year spent at the local school, and maybe reflections of this year in general.
June 17th will be a day of fireworks in the sky and champagne corks flying over the bridge. As bad as it is to say this (especially during this economy), June 17th will be the day I leave my job and dance off into eternal happiness (that is figuratively speaking; realistically, probably celebrate and be in joyful state of mind for a very, very long time).
Truth be told, I have never been this happy to quit a job. Even the end of summer '04, after donning a hideous neon green vest and wide leg pants at Knotts, wrapping Christmas ornaments, organizing stuffed animals, and retrieving over priced cowboy boots for people who are crazy enough to wear that stuff will not have produced the same amount of good riddance endorphins as this upcoming June 17th will. I know it.
As much as I am a chief complainer about the train wreck that I deal with everyday that are "push" factors pushing me away from ever wanting to get within a 5 mile radius of that elementary school, I would actually say that a good 65% of my expected happiness are the pull factors: primarily what the future- both far and immediate- beholds.
I haven't figured out how to write it, what to include, or how to organize it (thematically? chronologically?), but the next few blogs will be reflections of this past year spent at the local school, and maybe reflections of this year in general.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Why, China, WHY?
Okay. If even suburban 6th graders across the Pacific at Los Coyotes Middle School have to learn about the city of Kashgar in WESTERN China, clearly it deserves some credit for being historically significant; maybe enough to not get demolished and built over with apartment buildings and fake replications of its unique culture. All in the name of earthquake protection? Yeah right.
Okay. If even suburban 6th graders across the Pacific at Los Coyotes Middle School have to learn about the city of Kashgar in WESTERN China, clearly it deserves some credit for being historically significant; maybe enough to not get demolished and built over with apartment buildings and fake replications of its unique culture. All in the name of earthquake protection? Yeah right.
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