So I was able to see your 50 missed calls, Tammy, after having yet another heated night long discussion with my mother on the subject of career commitment.
While our champion Pentathler Danielle Lee didn't know much about Young Fu's plight in precommunist China, she certainly knew how to ask a relevant question that plagues many young Asians living in America today: "will it ever end?"
"Will it ever end?" Will the relentless pursuit to be on the competitive edge ever be over? Will the illogical pursuit of superficial success be put to a stop? Will the individual ever be given the time and space he/she deserves to fully actualize his/her being?
I don't doubt that my mother, as with any well intentioned mother, means well and places some excellent points on the table. But somehow, the meaning gets lost in the message. Time and time again.
Let's recap. M(other) feels like D(aughter) has 1. wasted a year by not engaging in any of the following: (a.) applying back to school (b.) taken vocational classes to neutralize her unemployable humanities degree (c.) worked full time (d.) taken initiative in learning the language of her homeland (e.) figured out her short term career/life plans in general.
D retorts points A, B, C, D, and E, respectively, by saying that she (a.) is not academically and financially ready to go back to school (b.) does not function like a machine where routine upgrades are conducted to maintain itself as a market commodity (c.) did try for over a year but we all know the story there (d.) will in the future but current preparations to leave for a Kosrean speaking nation may indicate now is not the most optimal time to being learning an Asian language (e.) does spend a significant amount of time thinking about careers, but it's a process in the making and cannot be done overnight if one is to do it thoroughly.
I give my mother fair representation on this, and I realize that her points are ultimately stronger in this drawn out argument that has come full circle in many multiple not-so-merry-go-round times. Yeah, I should have thought this out a little bit more. Yeah, I am in the wrong for not doing more. At best, my rebuttals have been a borderline excuse for inaction and a roadblock to progress.
The issue I have with my mother is not what she puts on the table, but the manner she lays it out and the way I am expected to react to it. This may be career lecture #38370, but it's really just an addendum to the J.D.I.O.B.A.F.I.L lecture series: Just Do It Or Be A Failure In Life.
The JDIOBAFIL lectures commence when the free spirited child/insolent teenager/embarrassed adult refuses to participate in enriching activities for whatever reason: she doesn't like it, she finds it disengaging, her interests lie elsewhere, time is of the essence. It's a shame that perfectly logical parents can fall so easily to the rat race of success and attempt to impose a top-down approach to upgrade their child. While the subject nature of the lectures change, they will always include clutch phrases and terms such as "falling behind", "waste of an education", "disappointing behavior", and of course, in true Asian fashion, multiple comparisons to other parent's (seemingly unnaturally successful) children.
When all is said and done, I believe we all want the same things: happiness, love, a peaceful society, a fruitful life in serving others. But the battle in getting there is like the Republicans vs. Democrats: two very different approaches in solving the same old problems.
My platform:
1. Promote understanding and not fear. Instead of employing scare tactics, parents should at least try understand the issues that could inhibit the individual from doing what they suggest.
2. Misery does not breed love/fulfillment in life. Misery breeds misery. Hard work does not have to be a miserable process. If it is backed with an passion or strong interest, it could be satisfying, gratifying, and worthwhile. Does passion, or did passion ever in the history of mankind, derive itself from feelings of inadequacy and threat? No. Therefore, like an LSAT analytical reasoning question, the premises support the conclusion that the promotion of threat and insinuations of inadequate behavior will not lead to hard work that is satisfying.
3. Recognize the difference between being stern and being damaging. Parents do have a responsibility to parent (I would be worried otherwise), but going overboard is just as bad as missing the ship. To be fair, kids need to meet them halfway and not be lazy bums. But at a certain point, you just have to let it go and let kids come into their own. Allow room for exploration, for success, for failure, for growth.
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