Lampton Elementary: On forgiveness, part 2

Part 2: where poop hits the fan

K would probably argue differently, but from my perspective, these are the reasons as to why I feel she is an ineffective leader.

1. Insincerity. Preaching ideals, forming ideas, making promises and not following through on multiple occasions will lead to people viewing you as an insincere person. With insincerity comes a lack of trust. A lack of trust will lead to you not being taken as serious as you would probably desire. Simple as that.

2. Inability to genuinely take constructive criticism. When your subordinates are honest and in multiple occasions, suggest (similar) solutions to (the same) problems, it isn't a threat or meant to insult you. It's just business in how things get done and improved. It isn't a time to come up with a rebuttal defending yourself.

3. Selfishness. It's more than fine to ask a lot from your subordinates, as long as you treat them with respect and give due gratitude where it is deserved. Asking your subordinates to do more than their job requirements to make you look good, and then treating them with coldness, that's taking a lot without giving anything back. That's being selfish. And no, a meal isn't a substitute for genuine gratitude. Saying we are all "one team" when things are going well, and then blaming everyone individually when things are bad, that is being selfish. Delegating responsibility that should ultimately be with you and blaming us for not doing it is selfish, and stupid.

When I think of K, I feel frustrated, sad, and angry. I feel frustrated when I think of all the things that could have been this year for the program, but wasn't due to our disinclination towards working together. I feel sad and disappointed that two otherwise nice people choose to show their ugly sides to each other instead of helping each other grow and learn. I also feel angry, both at K and ultimately myself, for letting a part-time job at a elementary school generate this much strife.

K would probably, and accurately, argue that there is a big missing piece to the puzzle. Where are my faults? What about MY laundry list of professional no-no's and K's list of grievances of my displeasing actions for the year? There is a lot to be sure.

And to be fair, there have been many a time when K has exhibited some very redeeming qualities and has been so helpful. But I'll have to save this for the final letter to her.

In the mess that is the relationship with me and K, I think the only thing left to do is forgive, learn, and move on. Forgive her and the multitude of ways this past year I feel she did wrong. Forgive myself for allowing myself to get entangled up in this silly mess. I can confidently say that come 6pm June 17th, K and I will go our separate ways forever.