Lampton Elementary: On forgiveness, part 1

I don't know how to open this or end this long winded dense mess. All I know is that I have to forgive my boss, K.

Part 1: The backdrop

K and I have a fairly strained relationship. Funny thing is, in actuality, there isn't even that much time to strain the relationship. But in the little time we have together, it's evident. It's in how K never looks me in the eye, or really at all, when we have meetings. It's in how K never says hello or goodbye (unless I initiate it) when we arrive and depart from work, or asks how I'm doing or how the weekend was. It's in how we can walk down an entire school corridor together without exchanging a word. It's in how we can be the only two people representing our program at a conference, and not even sit together during lunch. It's in how K insinuates that every minor glitch (ie a paper missing) is due to me losing it without questioning if she was actually the one who misplaced it. Likewise, the strained relationship is in in how I try to stay in my classroom as long as I can before having to go to the office (where she is). It's in how I don't contribute in her meetings anymore. It's in how I show apathy to her new ideas.

It's no secret that a lot of things about K bother me. It REALLY bothers me that someone (who is more than twice my age and senior in position) cannot muster the decency to say hello first at least half the time. It bothers me that I know a lot of basic facts about her as a product of polite conversation questioning, and she does not know a single fact about me beyond my name and that I went to school somewhere in northern CA. It bothers me that she speaks in a demeaning tone to parents ("You ARE aware that the pickup time is at 5:30, right?"), and talks down about the custodian ("He's not used to people speaking in a soft, professional tone to him. That's why he yells."). It bothers me that her idea of leadership is referring back to scribbled notes from months past and saying "I've written down here that we discussed this matter, therefore I don't understand why you guys aren't acting accordingly."

For K, who is a champion advocate of "respecting our professionalism," I have never felt this disrespected in any work situation, ever.

But it wasn't always like this. Earlier, there was a time when I willingly worked extra at home, created and bought extra teaching materials, donated books and other supplies. Likewise, there was a time when K would (*gasp*) call me in the evening and ask if I was okay, if it seemed like I was having an off day. All of us worked together and turned the dysfunctional program into one that set the standard for the other 11 schools to follow.

What happened?